Long Distance Relationship Advice – How To Make It Work

Long distance relationships seem to becoming more common.  Lovers have always been separated, of course, but the mobility of today’s society makes it much more common.   Fortunately, long distance relationships can work and this page is here to give you advice on how to make a long distance relationship work for you and your partner.

The first thing you and your partner need to do agree on the nature of your relationship and your degree of commitment to each other.  Obviously there’s a big difference between a long term relationship and one that’s just begun.

Here are some questions to consider.

How long do you expect to be apart?  How often will it be able to see each other?  Are you at a stage in your commitment where you see each other exclusively, or is OK to date someone else? What do you each want from the relationship?  What kind of possible future do you see?

Some of these questions, especially about dating others, may be a little awkward, but you need to address them.  Doing so will prevent misunderstandings and heartbreak later.

Besides, any good relationship should be built on understanding and communication.  Having that conversation will build those skills.

Once you’ve set that foundation, make the decision to be trusting of each other.  You don’t want to be naïve, jealousy will only make you miserable and will actually put your relationship at risk rather than protect it.

Both you and your partner will (and should) have lives aside from the relationship while you’re apart.  You’ll both be involved in social activities.  While it’s OK to talk about them, don’t make the discussion seem like an interrogation.

Similarly don’t demand an instant response to every email or to always have the phone answered wherever you call.  Such demands only make the burden of separation worse.

Next, develop a positive attitude about the separation.  That’s not to say you’ll look forward to it or prefer that your partner is away, but it does mean you’ll make the most of the situation you’re in.

For many of us, our other interests, such as hobbies and other friends, take a back seat to our relationship.  The time away from your partner is a good opportunity to pay more attention to these other areas.

Some people use it as an opportunity to put more effort into their studies or career.  You could also use it to explore a new interest or take up a new hobby.

In particular, use this time to maintain your individuality and independence.  Be more of the person your lover fell in love with.

Another positive attitude tip is to focus on the joy and excitement of the reunions rather than the pain of the separation.

Communication with each other will be very important during your time apart.  Fortunately, technology makes it much easier and affordable to stay in touch.

Naturally you’ll use the phone quite a bit.  Take the time to find a calling plan with the best deal.  Some companies have unlimited minutes to other phones from the same company.

Skype and web cameras are a blessing for separated couples.  If you have computer access, video camera calls are free (we do live in a great world)

Even with the new technology, keep using the old.  I don’t think email will ever replace a hand written love letter.  Since written notes are so uncommon these days it will be all the more impressive.

Sending small thinking-of-you presents also helps keeps your connection strong.

In addition to keeping good lines of communication up, plan on doing things together even though you’re apart.  For example you could watch a favorite TV or sporting show at the same time, maybe talking on the phone during commercial breaks.  Or both rent the same DVD and watch it at the same time.  Of course it’s not the same as snuggling together on the couch but it will be a shared activity.

Even if you don’t do things at the same time, you can pursue common interests on your own and compare notes.  You could both read the same books and discuss them.  You could both take a yoga class and describe your experiences to each other.  With a little imagination you can find lots of ways to share experiences even though you’re apart.

As helpful as modern communication devices are and as much as you can do together at a distance, at some point the two of you need to get together if the relationship is to survive.  Obviously the frequency will depend on the distance involved, your budgets and your other commitments but it does have to happen. 

Getting together should be a high priority for both of you. Ideally, you'll have a fairly consistent schedule so you can both count on regular time together.

I hope this advice helps you maintain your love and closeness during your time apart. There's a good chance that the skills you learn and the attention you pay to your relationship during your separation will make it even stronger in the long term.

We all could use a relationship coach from time to time. One of the best I've come across is The Magic of Making Up.  Although this system is great if your relationship is in danger, I think it's even better to use it to keep a healthy relationship strong. Considering the stress a long distance relationship creates, I think it's well worth checking out. Click on the links below to do just that.

The Magic of Making Up