Should We Break Up?
A Quiz

Deciding whether or not to end a relationship is one of the most difficult and potentially a heart wrenching decisions a person can ever have to make. In almost all cases a relationship has both good and bad aspects. Sometimes it can be very difficult to decide whether the problems are really core issues that merit and the new relationship or minor glitches that you should work through together. I put together this break up quiz to help you decide

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While this quiz is by no means definitive, I hope it helps you get a little perspective and make your decision somewhat easier.

Is physical abuse an issue in your relationship?

If the answer to this one is yes, then there's no doubt about it: end the relationship. Usually (but not always) it's the male that's abusive. Either way the relationship needs to end.

Unfortunately, for a variety of psychological reasons, people who are in abusive relationships often have trouble ending them. Sometimes professional help is the best answer.

When push comes to shove, do you genuinely like your partner? Do you think they feel the same about you?

"Like" is a less emotionally charged word than love so it can be a little bit easier to get an accurate read on the situation when you ask this question. If you can't easily and honestly say that you and your partner truly like each other then it may well be time to consider ending your relationship.

Do you and your partner respect each other?

This takes the previous question to a somewhat deeper level. It is possible to like someone yet not really respect them. For example, somebody can be funny and well intended, but completely irresponsible and unreliable. You might like their humor, but have no respect for them as a strong individual because of their irresponsible behavior.

Solid long term relationships should be based in part on shared values and mutual respect.

Do you feel you can get your needs met and relationship without too much difficulty?

We all have needs and desires, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to have them met. Part of the dance of a relationship is care and concern of each partner for the other's desires. If for some reason individual needs are incompatible, then perhaps the relationship isn't going to work.

Does your partner add a unique dimension to your life?

While we all should be complete as individuals, one of the reasons to be in a relationship in the first place is to have our lives be richer for it. If you don't feel that you would lose anything personally by leaving, it's a sign that maybe you should.

If someone could wave a magic wand and you could be out of your relationship without having to go through the mess and heart ache of the breakup, without having to explain things your family and friends, without having to divide up whatever possessions you share, and all the other junky details that come up when a relationship ends how would you feel?

If the answer to that (long-winded) question is peace or relief or free or another positive emotion, then it's probably time to go. Sometimes part of our hesitancy to end a relationship whose time has passed is an unconscious dread of the process of breaking up.

There's no doubt about it - ending a relationship a miserable experience, even if you're the one who wants the breakup. But staying in a relationship that, in your heart-of-hearts, you want to be out of isn't fair to either one of you.

Are you sexually attracted to your partner?

While platonic relationships have their place, sex and physical intimacy are crucial parts of a healthy long-term relationship. While sexual desire and interest can vary, and part of a long-term relationship is finding a mutually satisfying balance for both partners, lack of interest is a warning sign.

These questions are by no means exhaustive, but I think they will give you a good idea on whether you should stay and work things out or cut your losses and move on. Most of the time, relationships turn out to be worth working on.

An excellent resource for deepening a relationship is 1000 Questions for Couples. As the name implies, this is a series of 1000 questions grouped by topics that a couple can ask each other. The questions range from extremely playful to quite serious. The process of answering them helps a couple learn more about each other and grow in intimacy.

You can read a review of this book at:

1000 Questions for Couples Review

Or click on the link below to visit the webpage offering this relationship resource:

1000 Questions for Couples