Communication Tips for Relationships

We all know that communication between partners is key for a successful relationship. Unfortunately, communication tends to break down when we need it the most. Often carelessness or the heat of emotion can interfere with accurate, loving communication. Here are some tips to help keep the lines of communication flowing freely in your relationship.

Relationship Communication Tip One

Listen carefully then paraphrase what you believe you heard back to your partner. I think you'll be surprised how often there is a misunderstanding. Your partner is very likely to say something like "No, no - that's not what I said." They then will go on to rephrase the statement in you again should paraphrase it back to them.

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Eventually, you willget to the point of understanding when they say "Yes, that's what I mean." At that point, they'll feel both heard and understood and will be much more receptive to your point of view.

Relationship Communication Tip Two

Take turns talking. Communication doesn't get very far in the parties involved continually interrupt each other. I realized that it's hard sometimes to resist jumping in with an opinion or comment or observation. Resist the urge.

If you're actively listening as you need to be to follow tips one, you'll be less likely to interrupt.

In addition, some couples will find some variation of a "talking stick" helpful. It may seem a little silly to some people, but most people who try it find it very helpful.

The story goes that a talking stick was integral to many Native American Council meetings. At the meetings, the council members used a stick to indicate who had the floor and was allowed to speak. Only the person holding the stick was able to speak. They spoke until they were done, and then the stick was passed on.

The stick itself was often decorated as befit its ritual use. You may want to do something like that yourself, but obviously you could use any object to indicate who has the floor.

Relationship Communication Tip Three

Stick to "I" statements. That is, avoid blaming and name-calling and projection and simply report on your internal response and experience.

For example, instead of telling your partner that: "You’re inconsiderate and irresponsible because you never call when you're going to be late" relate it more to your experience. “When I don’t hear from you when you’re going to be late I get worried and feel unappreciated.” With that phraseology, you're observing a situation and reporting your internal response. That approach is much less likely to cause defensiveness.

While this list is by no means all-inclusive, applying these three tips alone will greatly increase the quality of your communication. Another great idea is to use questions as a means to giving you and your partner a chance to find out more about each other.

It may seem a little strange at first, but it's surprising how many topics never really come up for discussion spontaneously over the course of many years. That's why I found the book 1000 Questions for Couples to be extremely helpful. You can read a review of it at: 1000 Questions for Couples Review

Or click on the links below to find out more about it directly:

1000 Questions for Couples

Using that book is a fun and enlightening way to deepen your relationship and well worth exploring.