How Can I Save My Marriage?

"How can I save my marriage" is a hopeful question. It show that the person asking it is committed to their marriage and looking for answers.

Too many people today have the immature attitude that a marriage should always be light and easy.

It’s not.

Creating a solid marriage is an ongoing project. It requires love, patience and commitment.

There will be ups and downs - no doubt about it. It's naïve to think otherwise.

But that saving your marriage is worth the effort. A couple that successfully negotiates the ups and downs of life together create a bond that goes way beyong the infatuation of the early days of a relationship.

Below are some tips to help you save your marriage. But first a question...

Does Your Partner Want to Save Your Marriage Too?

Obviously, it’s a lot easier to work on a relationship if both people involved want to make it work. It’s not impossible to save you marriage if your spouse isn’t as committed as you are, but it will be more challenging.

Let’s assume your partner is interested to at least some extent.

On another page I give you some suggestions on what you can do if you're more interested in saving your marriage and your partner is. It definitely is not hopeless.

Right now, let's talk about one of the most important skills you can develop to keep your marriage strong.

A Crucial Skill You Need to
Save Your Marriage

A leading cause of failure in marriage is poor communication. We don’t learn effective communication automatically as we grow up. To be blunt, most people are terrible at it.

I know my husband and I were, and it caused us a lot of difficulty until we learned better.

My default style of “communication” if I was upset or unhappy about something was to sulk. Another variation I used was the silent treatment.

For my husband, his original style was to go quickly to anger.

I think you can imagine how fun the household was when we were in that mold.

Fortunately, we recognized what was going on and make some changes.

You don’t have to find the root cause of why you behave the way you do, but it can help keep things in perspective if you do.

For me, when I was growing up my family rewarded my sulking by paying more attention to me and trying to please me.

My husband grew up in a household where there was always a lot of anger and he learned that the best way to defend himself was to get angry back. Quickly.

It's easy to see how we fell into the patterns that we did, but it sure didn't help our relationship. Fortunately, as we found out, it is possible to change. It took a little time and effort but we did it.

Here's one technique we learned and applied with great success.

Be Certain You Understand

It's surprising how often people misunderstand each other even when they are discussing the simplest of things. There are a lot of reasons for this.

One reason is that we all have very different associations with each and every word that we use. To prove this to yourself, the next time you with a group of friends anyone to have a little fun pick a simple words such as "school" or "tree". If you want to play a little on the risqué side pick a word like "sex".

Have everyone take a pencil and paper and write down 5 to 10 meanings or associations that they have with the word to pick.

When everyone's done, compare notes.

I think you'd be amazed at how many different associations of people have with even the simplest of words. It's a wonder we can communicate at all.

The following technique really works to clarify communication..

One person begins as a speaker and the other will be the listener.

The speaker makes a statement or tries to explain themselves. The other person listens attentively.

 When the speaker has completed their thought, the listener then reports back to the speaker what they thought they heard.

The speaker will either say "Yes, that's what I meant." or "No, that's not quite what I mean."

Then the speaker will try to clarify the situation while the listener again listens intently.

The process continues until the speaker agrees that he or she has been understood. Then it's the listener’s turn to speak and be understood.

When you try this you may be surprised at how difficult it is to communicate clearly, even when the listener is paying careful attention. It's no wonder couples often feel misunderstood.

It's Worth Getting Coaching

Now my husband and I didn't make up that exercise. We learned from a home study course we took together. I think this shows that it's never too late to learn, even if the home situation grew up in didn't teach you effective communication and relationship skills.

In sports, even the most skilled athletes have a coach. Tiger Woods is perhaps the greatest golfer of all time, yet he continues to work with coaches to help him improve his game even more.

I believe a good relationship coach can make all the difference in a marriage. A good coach can save you years of heartache trying to learn by trial and error and maybe never getting it right.

In the past, marriage counseling or relationship coaching meant hiring a professional for personal sessions. These professionals warned always available for everyone, and when they were the sessions were both inconvenient and expensive.

Fortunately, in today's multimedia world the coaches can come to you.

Of course private sessions are still great if you have an excellent counselor available and you can afford them, but for the vast majority of people I think some of the other resources available worked wonderfully.

One of the courses is we used is the Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course.

This is an extremely comprehensive course. As we went through it, we learned a host of great exercises that help us tremendously as we went through it.

You can read a review of this home study course that at:

Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study
Course Review

Or just go here to find out more about the course directly:

Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course

As I said in the beginning, the mere fact that you're asking "How can I save my marriage" is a good sign. You're searching for solutions, answers and advice.

I hope what you learned here helps you. I also encourage you to get coaching and developed the skills you'll need to become a relationship expert. Believe me, it's well worth it.