How Do I Get Over a Long Term Relationship?

If you’re asking the question “How do I get over a long term relationship?” there’s no doubt you’re in a lot of pain at this moment.  When a long term relationship ends it’s hard to imagine that the pain will ever go away and that life will go on.

Naturally it’s harder if you’re the one who’s been rejected (few things are worse than being told by someone you love that they no longer want to be with you), but it can be difficult to get over a long term relationship even if you’re the one who initiated it or if it was by mutual consent.

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It will take time, but know at the outset that you can get over the relationship and even be a better person for the experience.  However your future is up to you.  How well you emerge from the end of the relationship depends on your response.  You need to take responsibility for taking care of yourself.

Some people wallow in self-pity and self-deprecation.  They cling to the false notion that their ex was their “one and only” and that they can’t possibly be happy with out them. If you get stuck in that belief, you can indeed make yourself miserable.  It’s not the absence of you ex making you miserable.  It’s you doing it to yourself. 

The idea of a “one and only” is a fallacy spawned by decades of romantic misrepresentation.

The truth is that there are any number of wonderful people you can be happy with.  But that’s down the road.  First you need to start the process of getting over a long-term relationship in a way that serves.

To begin, accept that it is a grieving process and will take some time.  You can expect to go through the stages of grieving including denial and anger. 

Here’s a comment about the anger phase to keep in mind. Anger is understandable and can even be appropriate for a short period of time.  Note your anger and express it in a safe manner (hitting a punching bag worked for me), but don’t get stuck in it and don’t act upon it toward your ex.

Anger is an improvement over depression because it has some energy around it so it can be a passing through point in the process of getting over an ex but you don’t want to stop there.

In particular, since you feel so much pain it won’t be surprising if you at some point you fantasize about exacting some form of revenge on your ex. 

Go ahead and fantasize about it but don’t act on it.  No matter how badly they’ve behaved, you shouldn’t react in kind.  In the long run, you’ll feel better about yourself and you won’t have done anything in the heat of the moment that you later grow to regret.

You might like to visit the page How To Get Back At Your Ex if you're tempted to act on the urge for revenge.

On   How Do I Get Over a Long Term Relationship - Part 2 I'll give you some of the most important steps you need to take to handle the break up successfully.  Click that link to go there.

Or maybe it's not too late...

Magic of Making Up