How to Fix a Long Term Relationship

I think that everyone who enters into a loving relationship wants to be in it for the long term.

However this doesn't happen automatically. Therefore  it is very important to know how to fix a long term relationship if things have started to unravel a little bit.

You need skills and techniques that most of us never learned growing up.

If you're in the long term relationship that could use some help here are some tips I hope you'll find useful.

Accept That Healthy Relationships Grow and Evolve

A relationship by definition involves two different people. Over time and with life experience each individual as well as a relationship will grow and evolve. The trick is to maintain a loving bond as you negotiate change.

Although I just said that each individual grow and evolve over time, I also believe that core personality traits will remain. This means that the essence of the person you fell in love with in the first place will always be there. I think it's helpful to remember that.

I heard a metaphor once that I found useful in considering this concept. Imagine a square. As a square grows and develops it may develop more depth. As it does the square may evolve into a cube.

This square does not, however, change into a triangle. Even as a cube, it's essence of "squareness" is still there.

So the first tip is to remember that the essence of your partner that you love so much is still there and to look for that in them.

We See What We Look for

As you think about your relationship and your partner, keep in mind that we can to see what we look for.

If you don't believe that, try this quick experiment. Set timer for one minute and look around the room where you are now and can make a mental note of all the objects that have the color blue in them.

When the minute is up, close your eyes and try to recall all the objects in the room with the color red in them.

You looked around the entire room and were taking in all the objects in it, but because you were focused on blue you didn't see the red.

We tend to see more what we're looking for.

A Relationship Communication Tip

Another tip is to avoid accusations or labeling in your discussions with your partner. Nobody likes to be called names. Assigning labels like "inconsiderate", "lazy", "you're responsible" and so forth will naturally make anyone defensive. When somebody is in a defensive mode it will be difficult to have useful communication.

A much more effective approach is to identify objective events and then describe or report your reaction to them. Here's a sample formula of what I mean:

"When you __________ I _____________."

"When you come home late from work without calling I feel disrespected and I worry what you might be doing."

"When you spend all that time with your girlfriends I feel neglected and lonely."

I think you can see how this style of conversation keeps the channels of communication open.

On How to Fix a Long Term Relationship Part Two I'll tell you about an activity you have to make an absolutely a high priority to keep your relationship going for the long term.

I also think we need to consider our relationship skills as an ongoing continuing education process. None of us are born experts in this field.

However many people have been in relationships before us and we can learn from their experience. As the saying goes: "Anyone can learn from experience. The wise person learns from other people's experience."

The Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course gives you tons of information and techniques you can use in your relationship immediately.  I highly recommend that you check it out by clicking on the links below.

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How to Fix a Long Term Relationship Part Two